I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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