i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's official drugs can't kill me
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
