final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
