He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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