You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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