promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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