This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
