I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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