i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
