I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Two words: blizzard sex
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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