If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
this will be a night to untag.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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