I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
no, he came in my armpit
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Randomize
