I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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