We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
