are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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