well I can't set my house on fire every night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
