My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
