Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
