No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
