I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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