i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
