R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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