I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
