My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I believe in your delicious
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
