so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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