He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
