I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Congratulations! We have a period
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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