So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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