I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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