JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
