I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
