The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
