plz talk dirty to me
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
