i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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