I am puke
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
