I didn't shave. On purpose
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
