Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
