my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
it's like iHOP with fire
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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