Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
