WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You are the jesus of drinking
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
