soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
