It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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