There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
