Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
