i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
