Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
