I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
