he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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