The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
