heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
