What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
